White Zombie (1932)

199092_1020_A A young woman falls under the spell of an evil voodoo priest in this horror classic.

The Review:

Bela Lugosi
His beard in White Zombie rules!
I must grow one too!

 

Rating: 3.5 out of 5
 

Altered (2006)

Alteredcover

Three men who were abducted by aliens as kids capture an E.T. to get revenge. Not knowing what to do next, they seek the help of their estranged fellow abductee.  Directed by Eduardo Sanchez (Blair Witch Project).

The Haiku Review:

Rednecks get revenge
Intestines are strewn about
This film is awesome!

Rating: 4 out of 5

 

The X-Files: I Want To Believe (2008)

xfilesmovie Agents Fox Mulder and Dana Scully return to action in this 2008 attempt to reboot the beloved television series as a film franchise.  The case that brings them out of retirement revolves around a missing FBI agent and a psychic ex-priest who seems to know where she’s being held.
The Review:

I want to believe
No, really I wanted to
Please let me forget

Rating: 1.5 out of 5

 

Miami Blues (1990)

miami_bluesA recently released convict tries his luck in South Florida and finds an innovative and violent way to live the good life.

The Review:

Almost forgotten
This early 80′s crime film
Totally kicks ass!

Rating: 4 out of 5

 

Godzilla%20Tokyo%20SOSToho studios unleashes Mothra, Mothra Larvae, Mechagodzilla and Godzilla upon Tokyo once again.

The Review:

Matthew Broderick
Does not appear in this film
Therefore it’s not bad

Rating: 3 out of 5

 

porkysA bunch of students in a backwoods town spend their time trying to get laid and running into trouble with the local brothel owner and his crooked sheriff brother.

The Review:

The actual film
Was not nearly as good as
What I remembered

Rating: 2 out of 5

 

Super High Me (2008)

super_high_me2-347x500Comedian Doug Benson takes a joke from his standup act and turns it into reality in this 2006 documentary about medical marijuana laws in California.

The Review:

If it’s objective
Was to make me want to smoke
Mission accomplished
Rating: 3 out of 5
 

Abbott and Costello Meet The Mummy (1955)

459687_1020_A Abbott and Costello play two down on their luck explorers who stumble on a plot to steal an ancient Egyptian treasure.   However the secret sect that protects the treasure has awakened a mummy to exact revenge.

The Review:

I used to love this
Now I must ask myself why.
It sucks to grow old.
Rating: 2.5 out of 5
 

Hell House:  The Book of Samiel (2007)

1479526h Stupid kids.  Demon possessed house.  Ancient book.  Blah, blah, blah.

Review:

This movie is shit
Barely preferable to
Throttling puppies
Rating: 1 out of 5
 

Mr. Warmth:  The Don Rickles Project (2007)

mrwarmth John Landis follows Don Rickles around and tells us why he’s funny.

The Review:

I like Don Rickles
This will not win new converts
It makes him boring
Rating: 2 out of 5
© 2011 Gaping Media Hole Blog Suffusion theme by Sayontan Sinha