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 Post subject: Aquaman
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 6:04 pm 
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PADI got a private screening of Aquaman last night. It's big. It's dumb. It's fun. There are so many plot holes, horrible dialogue and convenient solutions to problems that it's easy to say it's a bad movie. However, it's also the best DC movie aside from Wonder Woman. The underwater animations are incredible. The sets, etc. are just breathtakingly cool on the big screen and it's a light and fun movie despite a ton of fighting. For the vast majority of the run time, this is far from the feel of the Snyder films. That said, it's still pretty violent and people do die.

Depending on your level of approved movie violence, it's the perfect movie for any kid who likes superheroes and is between 7 - 12 years old. It's going to sell a shit-ton of toys on that level.

However, if you want to play a drinking game and be unable to stand by the end of the film, try this. Take a shot every time this film references or apes another successful franchise. You should come up with a list that includes the following by the end.

Spoiler: show
Star Wars, Jurassic Park, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Any James Bond film with a chase scene in Sicily, and Thor: Ragnarok... this is not a complete list, but just what I can think of right now.


There is even a half-assed version of a very famous Jaws quote muttered by Black Manta.

Huge nod though for referencing Lovecraft multiple times. There's a copy of The Dunwich Horror sitting on the coffee table in one of the opening scenes. The topic of that book is about a human and alien who mate and create a monstrous hybrid. This speaks to same topic of interracial marriage between Atlanteans and Surface Dwellers. Lovecraft was a racist asshole but he had a great imagination. Anyway, aside from that, there is a kick-ass Cthulhu worthy monster and multiple deep sea baddies that are reminiscent of things you'd read about in stories like The Shadow Over Innsmouth. You can tell a devoted horror director had a hand in this one.

My rating: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :nohole: :nohole:

It's fun, but I won't rush out to watch it again.

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Wed Dec 19, 2018 11:33 pm 
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Lovecraftian mythos? I am in.

Yeah, far too many artists are dicks.

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 11:30 am 
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I see all James Wan films, though I have absolutely no interest in goddamn Aquaman.

I bet it'll still be pretty dope.

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 12:39 pm 
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I just never thought an aftershave would get a superhero.

Good on Aqua Velva.

:thumbs:

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Tue Dec 25, 2018 4:00 pm 
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I thought it was dumb, but fun. My son loved it. 9-year-olds are less discerning.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 9:25 am 
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I had a good time, but goddamn was it 30 minutes too long


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 1:11 pm 
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Noto wrote:
I had a good time, but goddamn was it 30 minutes too long


That's pretty much every modern-day superhero movie. Say what you will about Justice League, but it got shit done in under two hours. Imagine a 140-minute cut of Raiders Of The Lost Ark.

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Wed Dec 26, 2018 1:23 pm 
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Monterey Jack wrote:
Noto wrote:
I had a good time, but goddamn was it 30 minutes too long


That's pretty much every modern-day superhero movie. Say what you will about Justice League, but it got shit done in under two hours. Imagine a 140-minute cut of Raiders Of The Lost Ark.


Justice League could have benefited from another 20 minutes though.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2018 9:49 pm 
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Noto wrote:
Monterey Jack wrote:
Noto wrote:
I had a good time, but goddamn was it 30 minutes too long


That's pretty much every modern-day superhero movie. Say what you will about Justice League, but it got shit done in under two hours. Imagine a 140-minute cut of Raiders Of The Lost Ark.


Justice League could have benefited from another 20 minutes though.

Bring on the Snyder Cut.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Fri Dec 28, 2018 9:51 pm 
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For real, the Justice League film felt like a fever dream. Distorted uncanny valley faces, people's weight fluctuating between shots, weird green screen shots. I kept watching, not really hating it, just wondering when it was going to start and get interesting. And it just never happened. I remember seeing it, but couldn't tell you much about it other than they fucked up Cavill's face.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 6:33 am 
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Brian described it much better than I could have. Whenever my son has asked to see Justice League, my answer has just been "It's not good."


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 3:06 pm 
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Noto wrote:
I had a good time, but goddamn was it 30 minutes too long

I thought it was dumb, boring, and that it was 45 minutes too long. It reminded me a lot of Black Panther.
:hole1: :half: :nohole: :nohole: :nohole:

Should I regret not staying for a post-credits scene? If Scuba-Gear Batman showed up, I'll regret my decision to leave. I've learned my lesson with superhero films - always take an aisle seat because no one else is moving their ass when the credits roll.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 3:33 pm 
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If given clout to make editing decisions, I would have cut all the young Aquaman stuff, cut the bad dude's screen time, and just focused on Arthur and Mera going after the McGuffin. Embrace that Indiana Jones structure.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 4:20 pm 
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Also,
Spoiler: show
What's with Ant Man 2 and this movie both having mom stuck in another universe/the earth's core for decades, and they both look beautiful and have their brain intact? Like they should be fuckin' feral and emaciated, but somehow Pfeifer had makeup on.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 4:37 pm 
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Spoiler: show
Suspension of disbelief/movie conventions. If you can believe that a gorgeous actress in glasses with thick frames is "ugly," you should have no trouble believing that both of those characters looked like that without makeup.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 8:27 pm 
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Eric wrote:
Spoiler: show
Suspension of disbelief/movie conventions. If you can believe that a gorgeous actress in glasses with thick frames is "ugly," you should have no trouble believing that both of those characters looked like that without makeup.


Ugly girl with glasses is a concept limited to teen dramas and comedies. I want more from my totally mature comic book films - 20 years on your own and you're going to be messed up.

Also LOL at Aquaman being like
Spoiler: show
You kill innocent people, I'm not going to save you after he just rescued the Russian navy/military people. Like uh, maybe he doesn't follow politics.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 8:48 pm 
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If you want more from your comic book films, you came to the wrong comic book film.

As for the second objection, go watch Das Boot. There's something to be said for respecting the people so ridiculously far down the food chain that they can't affect policy. They're at least innocent-adjacent.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Sat Dec 29, 2018 9:21 pm 
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Eric wrote:
If you want more from your comic book films, you came to the wrong comic book film.

I know. I think it will be a while before I see a comic book film I'm into, the current trend is not my thing at all.

Granted, I had fun watching Venom. Shlock. But fun. And not overly long.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 9:44 am 
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:hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :nohole:

Definitely on par with Wonder Woman in most places.

We were both exhausted and felt we might fall asleep during the near 2.5 hour run time, but it actually did not have any excessive pauses.

Black Manta (played by Yahya Abdul-Mateen II) was a treat for my Saturday morning cartoon Super Friends - Legion of Doom watching kid self. As Black Manta was one of my favorite villains - just because he looked so cool (he was voiced by the Addams Family Lurch).

And Manta's big encounter with Aquaman was very reminiscent of a lot of James Bond rooftop battles.

Very well done.

The only non-political issues I had were when Aquaman and Amber Heard decide to play tongue twister and the explosions are firing off all over the fucking place, just after Mera was concerned about the loss of life happening all around them. Every explosion meant more and more dead people.

A lot of people bitched and moaned about Superman being callous when buildings of cubicle drones died, but I guess when it is calamari people, who gives a fuck, right?

The other was why some of the sushi folk could breathe air and others were totally dependent on water (including toilet water). I must have missed that Golden Rule of who can and who can't as it seemed fairly "wha?" considering even the Lovecraftian trench monsters were amphibian.

The final, non-political issue I had was if everyone knew that holding the special golden lobster fork made you king of all the Captain Hook's Fish and Chips nations, including Mera's dad, then why did the Ocean Masturbater insist on a showdown and why did he proclaim that the golden lobster fork did not make Aquaman king?

I mean it did fucking make him king.

That was like a major fucking point of getting it - if Ocean Meat Beater did not want to follow the rules of golden lobster fork, then he totally went rogue from the sea monkey nations.

That's what Mera had told her dad.

Political problems?

The whole innocent Russian military thing.

The whole polluting the oceans being complicated to the point where Aquaman could not make a choice to actually stand against polluting the oceans and slaughtering benign animals to extinction (whales) and a myriad of other atrocities that humanity dumps on the planet's oceans and water. Does it mean Aquaman needs to stand with the people that had slain Nicole Kidman opening her pearl holder to coitus with Temuera Derek Morrison's deep sea diver?

No.

But, fuck, brah, have some fucking balls and say more than pollution is "complicated" therefore you can't say anything negative about using the oceans as a shitter.

The concept of an impenetrable wall guarded by strict vetting made me squirm a bit in my seat and likely gave Trump a boner. I am really surprised he has not used Aquaman as a basis for validating the need for a wall.

Beyond all that, the whole movie was a great ride.

I especially enjoyed that Aquaman called Mera "fight club" - that made me laugh.

:thumbs:

8-)

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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 10:11 am 
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I think there was like one line justifying that the royalty and nobles could breathe air, but not the peons.

But overall, this is the sort of movie where if you think about it that much, you're overthinking it. Or if you think about it at all, really.


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 Post subject: Re: Aquaman
PostPosted: Mon Jan 28, 2019 10:21 am 
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Eric wrote:
I think there was like one line justifying that the royalty and nobles could breathe air, but not the peons.

But overall, this is the sort of movie where if you think about it that much, you're overthinking it. Or if you think about it at all, really.

Yeah, I probably missed that one line. That is kind of what we both figured as we came out of the theater.

I gave it 4 out of 5 holes because I know better than to think about it much. Was definitely very good for what it is, but I was definitely bothered by the whole nonchalant shoving aside of the pollution and whale slaughtering topics.

Still 4 out of 5, but nowhere near as deep as The Trench.

More like kiddie pool depths for the most part - and that is not a horrible thing.

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