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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 6:41 pm 
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[door sequence runs in reverse]

[INTERIOR: SATELLITE OF LOVE BRIDGE]

[JONAH HESTON enters the frame from screen right, wearing his usual yellow jumpsuit. He is perusing a clipboard and looking perturbed. He bumps into CROW T. ROBOT, causing him to drop said clipboard to the table with a clatter]

CROW: Hey, watch it, meatbag…!

JONAH: Excuse me, but I was just going over our schedule of films, and found some interesting oddities.

CROW: Enlighten me, oh be-jumpsuited one.

[TOM SERVO enters from screen left, whistling.]

TOM: Greetings, my fellow cinema torture-ees! What’s going on?

JONAH: Oh, well, as I was saying, it seems like we have an awful lot of horror movies scheduled for the next thirty days or so.

CROW: [scoffs] Like that’s anything unusual.

JONAH: [thinks about it for a second] No, I don’t mean horri-BLE movies, but *horror* movies. You know, creaking doors, cheesy rubber bats flying around on strings, that sort of thing?

TOM: That *is* unusual. I know we get sent lots of crummy movies, but usual there’s at least the spice of variety to make out dreary existence of slavery somewhat more tolerable.

CROW: What, they can’t bother to send us a decent Sword & Sandal flick? Some nice, oiled pecs…?

[JONAH and TOM give CROW a look]

CROW: [taking a step back] What…?

JONAH: Well, going over the list, there are different *types* of horror movies on the menu, but still, it seems oddly…specific a genre.

[suddenly, alarms start blaring, and lights begin to flash]

JONAH: What the…?! Cambot, give me Rocket #9…!

[EXTERIOR, SOL]

[we see a tinkertoy shuttle docking]

[INTERIOR, SOL]

[The doors open…and reveal JOEL ROBINSON and MIKE NELSON, who enter in a cloud of photogenic Tony Scott steam. Both men are considerably older than the last time they entered the Satellite of Love, and yet are still clad in their trademark red and green jumpsuits, respectfully.]

TOM & CROW: [excited] JOEL…! MIKE…!

[THE BOTS happily embrace their former co-hosts as JONAH looks on in perplexity.]

JOEL: [frowning] The hell…?!

MIKE: [trying to disentangle Crow’s net from his belt] Hey, nice to see you too, buddy, but…how did we get here?

JONAH: Uhhhhh…

TOM: Oh, right, the new guy…

CROW: [Gesturing to Jonah] Yeah, we work with this mammal now.

JOEL: Dr. Forrester is still doing this silly experiment?

TOM: Well, a Forrester is…

JONAH: [making the “time out” gesture with his hands] Hold it, who the heck are these guys?

TOM: What, did you think you were the *only* man trapped in outer space riffing on bad movies with a pair of robots?

CROW: Yeah! There were, like… [glances at JOEL and MIKE, rolls his eyes around a bit as he calculates] …two others before you.

JONAH: This doesn’t explain what they’re doing here now.

JOEL: [confused] I’d like to know that, too.

MIKE: [holding out hands in a placatory manner] Now-now, let’s not panic, people, I’m sure there’s a very logical explanation for this.

[everyone in the SOL bridge looks at him for a very long beat]

MIKE: I don’t know what that logical explanation is, if that’s what you’re getting at…

[JOEL buries his face in his hand]

JONAH: Why don’t we just call Kinga and Max and see what they have to say, hmmm?

[JONAH taps the button]

JONAH: Come in Moon 13, please respond…

[INTERIOR, MOON 13]

[Instead of Kinga Forrester and Max aka TV’s Son of TV’s Frank, we see a sandy-haired man, approximately mid-40’s, inside the Moon 13 hangar. He smiles as he looks up at his captive audience]

MONTY: [smiles] I thought you’d be calling…

[SOL]

JONAH: [confused] Who are you?

[MOON 13]

MONTY: Who I am is unimportant. What is important, is that I now control the horizontal. I now control the vertical. I now control the films you are to watch for the next lunar cycle.

[SOL]

JONAH: So why’d you bring back these other clow -- [JOEL and MIKE give him a look] – uhhh, former experimentees? And why nothing but horror flicks?

[MOON 13]

MONTY: [looks confused] You do know what the particular lunar cycle concludes with, correct?

[SOL]

JONAH: Uhhhh…

JOEL: Wait a minute…

MIKE: You don’t mean…?!

CROW & TOM: …HALLOWEEN…?!?

[MOON 13]

MONTY: [touches nose] Correct, my little lab rats! And to give you all a bit of a treat to go along with the tricks you’re accustomed to, I thought I’d bring back some old hosts to add a bit of spice!

[SOL]

JOEL: [under breath] Terrific…

[MOON 13]

MONTY: And, to sweeten the pot, some of this month’s movies will actually be… [TARANTINO SNAP ZOOM into face] …good.

[SOL]

[JONAH covers his eyes with joy. JOEL slaps his hands to the sides of his head with anticipation. MIKE covers his mouth to suppress a squeal of excitement]

CROW: Uhhh, not to rain on anybody’s parade, but…why? Who are you? Why bring back Joel and Mike?

[MOON 13]

MONTY: Uhhh...it's just a TV show, and you should really just relax?

[SOL]

CROW: [nods] I can go with that.

[MOON 13]

MONTY: Okay, then, everyone hit the restroom, and remember to keep all arms, legs and other appendages safely inside the theater at all times. Oh, and free popcorn and ram chips for all, because... [pulls lever]

[SOL]

[lights start flashing, alarm sounds, shakey-Cambot feature is activated]

JONAH: Oh, we've got...

JOEL: ...horror movie...

MIKE: …siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiign...!!!!

CROW: I call dibs on sitting next to Joel!

TOM: Not if I get there first...!

[Everyone scrambles to the left and right as the DOOR SEQUENCE runs, opening to reveal...the 2018 Horror Movie Marathon]

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 06, 2018 7:00 pm 
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-The Little Stranger (2018): :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole:

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A slow-burn period psychological thriller with modest paranormal overtones is the right tack to take for an “appetizer” to my October main course. Set in 1948, The Little Stranger features Domhnall Gleeson as Dr. Faraday, a morose man called to the evocatively crumbling Hundreds Hall to tend to a young maid (Liv Hill) who has faked “stabbing and burning” pains in order to be let loose from her service to the lady of the house, Carolyn Ayres (Ruth Wilson), her domineering mother, Angela (Charlotte Rampling), and her brother Roderick (Will Poulter), left horribly battle-scarred from the War. It seems there are uneasy spirits from the past about…or is it just psychological stress from the isolation? Literate, well-acted and eloquently scored by Stephen Rennicks, The Little Stranger, well-directed by Lenny Abrahamson (Room…the Oscar-winning one, not the Tommy Wiseau one), will probably take too long to get to the creaky-door chills for hardcore horror fans (although there’s a startling early scene where a party guest’s young daughter gets horribly mauled by Carolyn’s dog), but this is more of a dissection of inwardly-focused psychological torment in a post-war England than a flat-out genre piece. For what it is, it’s an astutely-observed look at a specific time and place, and it certainly has a handful of effectively disquieting moments, but the crowds lining up for more obvious shudders with The Nun would likely find it lacking. A good film, though.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 07, 2018 7:12 pm 
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-The Nun (2018): :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole:

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The latest entry in the “Conjuringverse” skips back to 1952, where a malevolent spirit named Valek has infested the grounds of a Romanian monastery, bringing the interest of a priest (Damien Bichir) and a young novitiate nun (Taissa Farmiga, kid sister of Vera “Lorraine Warren” Farmiga) to investigate the supposed suicide of a young nun discovered by a groundskeeper (Jonas Blouquet) from a nearby, highly superstitious village. Once there, they find their minds suffused with eerie visions and more corporeal threats. Not up to the heights of the two Conjuring films directed by James Wan (or even the unexpectedly good Annabelle prequel, Creation), but superior to the flat-footed Annabelle, The Nun certainly knows how to generate a palpable sense of dread, but it also trumps in some well-worn genre clichés, and some of Bloquet’s attempts at comic relief rankle a bit. Plus, there’s another attempt – like Creation – to weave this film’s events into the larger tapestry of the “franchise”, but this time it works a little more seamlessly. I’m sure the movie will make a mint, but the best films in this series to date have featured James Wan behind the camera, and I hope he returns for the third Conjuring that’s in the planning stages.

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 7:23 am 
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So good to see this thread back in action! Great opener, Monty! I love the MST3K guys dialogue!

I've had a bit of a rough start to September so coming back home last night and having my wife and daughter ask what movie we were going to watch made me feel very good. We've had to cut our list down since we missed the first ten nine days of September but we elected to go with something cheesy to start with that none of us had seen before:

Image

Attack of the Crab Monsters!

:hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole: :nohole:

A Roger Corman film that I'd seen stills from in Famous Monsters but had never seen the actual movie, this one is all over the map. It's got radioactivity, earthquakes, scientists, scuba diving, explosions, ghosts and giant crab monsters (who may or may not be responsible for said ghosts). People make hilariously stupid decisions in the name of science and the guy who plays The Professor on Gilligan's Island is a "technician" who's there to help save the day. It gets a half star just for beheading some poor guy in the first 15 minutes!

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:08 am 
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Pred-a-thon...!

-Predator (1987): :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half:

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With the latest installment in the franchise due out this Friday, time to dig in like an Alabama tick. The 1987 original remains a quintessential hunk of 80's action cinema, a canny mixture of Rambo and Alien featuring Arnold Schwarzenegger leading a pack of highly-trained special-forces operatives (including fellow future governor Jesse "The Body" Ventura, Carl "Apollo Creed" Weathers and Lethal Weapon screenwriter and future The Predator director Shane Black) into a sweltering third-world jungle in order to rescue some high-value targets, only to find themselves relentlessly picked off one-by-one by an intergalactic big game hunter (the 7' 2'' Kevin Peter Hall, underneath a terrific makeup design by Stan Winston). This is a movie that -- for all the bubblegum one-liners and unfettered, high-octane machismo on display -- plays with audience expectations in a fairly ingenious way, stripping away Arnie's comrades and weaponry piece-by-piece until it climaxes in a mano a mano slugfest between Predator and prey where the Schwartz is forced to outthink his hulking adversary. It's positively primal, and director John McTiernan (who would go one to make Die Hard and The Hunt For Red October in rapid succession, an impressive triple-whammy he's never lived up to since), aided by Alan Silvestri's memorable, percussive score, generates true action-movie jollies in the first half and true, sweat-inducing suspense in the second. This is a piece of red-meat action/horror cinema that'll make you a goddamn sexual Tyrannosaurus...just like me. 8-)

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:09 am 
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caryc wrote:
So good to see this thread back in action! Great opener, Monty! I love the MST3K guys dialogue!


Thanks! It's always nice to see my efforts appreciated. :)

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:29 am 
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Predator: Not a little action film. It's as big as a house.

:thumbs:

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:44 am 
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Pender wrote:
Predator: Not a little action film. It's as big as a house.


[blank stare]

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PostPosted: Mon Sep 10, 2018 8:50 am 
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Monterey Jack wrote:
Pender wrote:
Predator: Not a little action film. It's as big as a house.


[blank stare]

:lol:

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 4:59 am 
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Dr. Terror's House of Horrors

:hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole:

A favorite of ours. This is one of those Amicus anthology films starring Peter Cushing, Christopher Lee and a very young Donald Sutherland. Six men share a train car. Dr. Terror (Cushing) is a tarot reader and begins reading the men's fortunes. Each story plays out and afterward they each get their "Fate" card to show what they can do to change what they've seen. Of all of the stories, only one is on the weaker side. Our personal favorite is the one about sentient plants.

Recommended if you like the old Hammer stuff.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:32 pm 
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"WaNt SoMe...CaNdY…?"

-Predator 2 (1990): :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole: :nohole:

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Weak sequel transplants the action to the "jungles" of a FUTURISTIC!!! 1997 L.A., as a police detective played by Danny Glover keeps finding the members of rival gangs found slashed to ribbons, until he's clued in by government stooge Gary Busey that it's not a form of violent one-upsmanship between them...they're all being stalked by another intergalactic big game hunter, one armed with a new arrangement of weaponry in in town with a few days...to kill. Director John McTiernan, who brought such an elegant, sinuous widescreen skill to the cat & mouse suspense of the original is here replaced by anonymous B-movie hack Stephen Hopkins (Judgement Night, Blown Away), and the resulting film is embarrassingly cloddish and blunt-witted in comparison, rife with 80's buddy-cop clichés (gee, what's going to happen to the lead detective's partner...?), ridiculous stereotypes (a scene with a pack of cartoonish Jamaican gangbangers rolling up in a limo with gigantic plumes of marijuana smoke billowing out the doors is a visual right out of a Naked Gun movie) and sub-par creature effects. The late, great Bill Paxton provides some stray yuks as Glover's new partner (he's one of two actors to have had the privilege of being killed by a Predator, an Alien and a Terminator. Name the other and win a Kewpie Doll...!), but otherwise this is weak sauce, and the blatant plagiarism of Aliens (where Busey's team of government Redshirts get taken apart in a literal slaughterhouse while Glover watches via closed-circuit cameras) is so brazen James Cameron should have sued. It's no wonder the franchise dried up after this installment and went into hibernation for two decades (the Alien vs. Predator movies barely count).

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 7:56 pm 
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Stephen Hopkins, a hack?

This is the best predator film. No discussion.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 8:14 pm 
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Chris Knight wrote:
Stephen Hopkins, a hack?


Aside from The Ghost & The Darkness and his 24 pilot, his work is anonymous at best.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 8:49 pm 
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Predator 2 is the only Predator film as far as I'm concerned, but I will never forgive Stephen Hopkins for A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:08 pm 
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Judgment Night is awesome, how dare you sir.

Also, he used bullet time, before it was cool.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:24 pm 
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God, I forgot Hopkins made Lost In Space. What a horrible movie.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:26 pm 
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The only thing anyone remembers about Judgement Night is the soundtrack.

BOO-YAA T.R.I.B.E., YALL.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:28 pm 
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Yeah, Lost In Space sucked, but without it, Wing Commander and The Matrix wouldn't have known what to do with their slow-motion sequences. It was literally a trend-setter. Also, nobody paid for that movie, you got it free with a DVD player back then.

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PostPosted: Tue Sep 11, 2018 9:32 pm 
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I remember Judgment Night for being the last film Emilio got top billing in (well, aside from Mighty Ducks sequels, which don't count). Even his appearance in Mission Impossible was un-credited.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 4:49 am 
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Chris Knight wrote:
Yeah, Lost In Space sucked, but without it, Wing Commander and The Matrix wouldn't have known what to do with their slow-motion sequences. It was literally a trend-setter. Also, nobody paid for that movie, you got it free with a DVD player back then.


Yup, and I've still not seen it.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 7:29 am 
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Gigantis, The Fire Monster!

:hole1: :nohole: :nohole: :nohole: :nohole:

So this was one I wanted to watch out of curiosity more than anything else. It is the rebranded, English dubbed version of Toho's original Godzilla sequel Godzilla Raids Again. I'd seen the subtitled original and to be fair, it's pretty bad overall. Even so, I'd give it two stars for setting the tone of future sequels that had better stories. The English dubbed version is honestly horrible. It assumes that you, the viewer, are an idiot. The constant narration that explains everything you're already seeing on the screen is so bad that it's laughable. The dialogue is atrocious and the giant monster mayhem is definitely on the cheap. They started getting it right about one or two films after this one.

Anyway, it's off the list of curiosities and the rest of what's left on our viewing schedule are ones I'm excited about (many of which I haven't seen or haven't seen in years).

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 7:42 am 
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Casablanca (1942)
:hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half:

Fucking bitches, Man?!?

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 7:51 am 
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Kimfair wrote:
Yup, and I've still not seen it.


Lucky you.

-Predators (2010): :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :nohole:

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A damn sight better than the anemic second installment, this belated entry in he franchise (produced a solid two decades after part two) finds a gaggle of Earth's nastiest mercenaries and killers (a motley, engaging crew including Walton Goggins as a hick death row inmate, plug-ugly Danny Trejo as a Mexican cartel enforcer, and a surprisingly commanding Adrien Brody, among others) dropped off via parachute onto an alien game preserve on another planet and find themselves hunted by a trio of freshly-designed, 'roided-up Predators (who have a "classic", Stan Winston Predator chained to a post for not very well-explained reasons). Produced by low-budget wunderkind Robert Rodriguez and slickly directed by the unfortunately-named Nimrod Antal, Predators has fun with it's very varied group of victims and playing off of iconic moments from the original (including a great showdown between a Predator and a Yakuza gangster armed with a vintage Samurai sword), and adds a few wrinkles to the usual proceedings, like a pack of "Predator Dogs" used to flush out the group and soften them for the kill (more could have been done with this, frankly). There are certainly flaws (a "surprise" revelation about one of the group late in the proceedings is telegraphed from a million miles away), but I've always found this to be a solid and underrated entry in the franchise.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 10:36 am 
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I agree wholeheartedly! We just rewatched Predators about two months ago and I'd forgotten how much I liked it. Love the concept and really the only thing I thought fell a little flat was the reveal you mention. It's honestly my favorite since the original.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:09 am 
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Ericubus wrote:
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Casablanca (1942)
:hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half:

Fucking bitches, Man?!?

Love Casablanca.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:22 am 
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Pender wrote:
Love Casablanca.


I know...that movie scared the SHIT out of me as a kid. :shock:

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 11:27 am 
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caryc wrote:
I agree wholeheartedly! We just rewatched Predators about two months ago and I'd forgotten how much I liked it. Love the concept and really the only thing I thought fell a little flat was the reveal you mention. It's honestly my favorite since the original.


It's funny how much people bag on that, and yet Predator 2 has this weird cult following now. I hadn't seen P2 since the VHS days, and found it kind of lame even then, but viewing it now, it's laughable. And it had a lot of the same producers and writers! It's like, John McTiernan's Die Hard got an excellent sequel only to years later, yet they totally botched the follow-up to his Predator. Predators is slick, gory, well-paced and consistently entertaining. Maybe people just were hesitant to accept Adrien Brody as an action hero, or something (shame, as he's very good in the film).

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 12:57 pm 
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I enjoy ALL of the Predator films, and that includes AvP: Requiem (which is the only one worth watching around Halloween, considering it's a true horror/slasher movie).

Predators grinds to a halt during the Morpheus scenes, but is otherwise far more enjoyable than the original Predator film. I agree with the sentiment that Brody doesn't really come off as an action hero, and looks goofy when he takes his shirt off and goes bananas at the end.

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PostPosted: Wed Sep 12, 2018 7:13 pm 
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Spoiler: show
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Halloween is officially on!!

Got an early birthday present from my in-laws. It replaces all the regular DVD versions of these I already have, plus it includes the Claude Rains' Phantom of the Opera and all of the Abbott and Costello monster flicks. The booklet's better than I expected as well, plus there are extras my DVD's didn't have. We already have our list of movies to watch for the Halloween season and only a handful are classic Universal flicks but I foresee some classic monster viewing extending well beyond Thanksgiving!

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 4:51 am 
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I have the original Essential BluRay set, but it doesn't have all the ancillary films, which I would like. I'll have to keep an eye out for a sale on this set.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 6:27 am 
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That is an awesome set, Cary!

That should be some fun times right there.

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 7:06 am 
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I picked up the awesome Alex Ross Universal Monster steelbooks at Best Buy last fall (they're back in-stock right now for only about $7.99 a pop, although the Wolfman one is hard-to-find). This new set seems pretty awesome for those who want them all, though (although I've heard that the transfers on the Creature sequels have some serious problems).

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PostPosted: Thu Sep 13, 2018 8:17 am 
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Monterey Jack wrote:
(although I've heard that the transfers on the Creature sequels have some serious problems).


To be fair, the transfers on the original DVD versions of the Creature sequels aren't the best. My guess is these will have the same problems.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2018 2:04 pm 
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Monster on the Campus

:hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole:

The in-laws came over last night but instead of watching one of the new Universal blu-rays, we opted to watch Monster on the Campus. Directed by Jack Arnold (Creature From the Black Lagoon), it was one of the first horror movies I ever saw as a kid and it scared the hell out of 7-year-old CaryC. Now, not so much but it's still a lot of fun.

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PostPosted: Fri Sep 14, 2018 7:01 pm 
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-The Predator (2018): :hole1: :hole1: :hole1: :half: :nohole:

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Eccentric entry in the long-running action/sci-fi/horror franchise is rife with the quirky tastes of writer/director Shane Black (who co-wrote with his old 80’s compadre Fred Dekker, and I can’t for the life of me remember the last time I saw his name attached to a movie), which will probably delight his cadre of fans (amongst who I claim happy residence) and confuse the hell out of anyone expecting a straight-up genre piece. While the film is messy and bears obvious scarring from studio-mandated reshoots, there are enough looney touches to please fans of Black, who utilizes his usual bag of narrative fetishes (kids placed in highly-dangerous, bloody situations, off-center, blisteringly profane line readings…all that’s missing is his customary Christmastime setting, this film swapping it out for Halloween). There are several points in the film I found myself barking out spasms of what-the-hell-am-I-watching laughter, but in the best possible sense of the phrase, and the film is filled with nasty bursts of violence butted up against weird, almost Coen-esque dialogue and situations. While the film is certainly not perfect (and ends with one of those Independence Day 2 / Pacific Rim: Uprising-style “call to arms” sequel-baiting closers that’s a real groaner), I’ll happily sit through anything Black makes, and fans of his will probably get more out of this than the average filmgoer.

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