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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:06 am 
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Pollution Baby
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Is it just me, or is this really good? My son wrote this in about 15 minutes from an assignment for ELA (English Language and Art) class. (typed out below)
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What do I do? What do I do?! What do I do?!?! What do I do?!?!?! WHAT DO I DO?!?!?!?! Was all I could think about because, it looked like she was dying! That looked worse than when the NightWings forced me to eat a particularly disgusting piece of rotten prey. Moon was clutching her head and stumbling, but Qibli managed to catch her before she fell. That’s when I realized that she was saying something. I only caught the end of it though.
“Beware the darkness of dragons. Beware the stalker of dreams. Jade Mountain will fall under thunder and ice, unless the lost city of Night can be found.”
That sounded familiar, I thought. Then I remembered.
“That’s what she was saying in her sleep.” I said.
Thinking back to the first night, I was just about to fall asleep when I thought I heard something. I followed the sound to Moon’s moss bed, and found her muttering in her sleep…


Be honest, because I know I have an extreme bias, but I really think this is well written, besides the grammatical and spelling errors that is.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 9:34 am 
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Yes, it's good. Starting in media res was a wise choice. Good writing, good flow, good language. Your bias isn't blinding you, this is good stuff.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:26 am 
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I'm actually fine with the grammar, since it puts the reader into the character's state of mind. Well done. Your kid is a far better writer than most of my 18-25 year-old students.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 10:53 am 
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I had to look up what media res means, but now I've learned something, thanks.
He had the writing teacher for homeroom last year, and she had a really good class that he excelled in. It was great for him as he ended up helping others. Part of the year was spent on learning how to write good openings, he has a bunch of them that I like reading through. Different styles too, not just many examples of the same.
The issue with him is starting, he has a block when it comes to that, but once he is in the right frame of mind he comes up with some really fun stuff. This was the first thing he has written this school year, and he dove right in.

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-These are the demands and sayings of Ericubus.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be "replaced" by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten. - George Lucas 1988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:04 am 
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I hope Moon lives.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 11:31 am 
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He has a big smile about the better than 18-25 year-old students.

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-These are the demands and sayings of Ericubus.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be "replaced" by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten. - George Lucas 1988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 12:29 pm 
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I am serious.

I hope Moon lives and I hope he follows up the tidbit with more that he would be willing to share here.

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 12:39 pm 
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Well, to be fair, the assignment was telling the story you read from the point of view of a different character, so... there is a book (actually a whole series, Wings of Fire), but maybe I will encourage him to expand on the assignment.

Today he came home telling me about this world he made up with 3 different portals to different types of worlds. The level of detail he comes up with when he does this type of thing is mind bending. You would think it us from an established work, but he is just making it up. Every question I ask him he has a whole back story to, a completely plausible one that fits in. Very rarely has he not thought of something yet that I think of while he's explaining. His ability to world build is insane.

And, thanks, Pender.

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-These are the demands and sayings of Ericubus.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be "replaced" by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten. - George Lucas 1988


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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 2:00 pm 
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He'd make a good Dungeon Master...

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PostPosted: Fri Oct 12, 2018 3:08 pm 
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Devil worship.

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 8:08 am 
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Ya, I'm a little proud. And in his school it does mean somethings, only 3 kids on his grade made it.

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-These are the demands and sayings of Ericubus.

In the future it will become even easier for old negatives to become lost and be "replaced" by new altered negatives. This would be a great loss to our society. Our cultural history must not be allowed to be rewritten. - George Lucas 1988


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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:10 am 
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HUZZAH!! Well done!

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PostPosted: Sat Dec 08, 2018 9:20 am 
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Congrats. Good job.


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